The Rats That Ran Me Out

This is taken from a previous blog of mine about my living crisis I had last year.

The Rats that Ran Me Out.

Well they finally won. My independent strong autonomous self couldn't’t withstand the grotesque superfluous beings living in the midst of me. What was that last sentence about? Something that makes strong men become babies at the sight of, something that repulses most of all man kind. The Rat. Oh and not just singular…PLURAL… living with me. I was living downtown Baltimore (in the Greek District) in a row house and enjoying it quite a lot. It was an older home but pretty much redone on the inside and it was HUGE for Baltimore city. My roommates were great and to be honest I didn’t spend a lot of time there…but it was a nice place to call home.

So one night back in OCT I went to bed late as usual and had to set my alarm for around 3:30AM to work an early "1-day" trip to Florida and back. From here out the story is quite a blur. I woke up and it was still dark out. I went to my closet and pushed back the curtains (which I used instead of the doors on my closet) and reached up to the light bulb to pull the string to turn it on. At that point my life seriously flashed before my eyes. I was eye to eye with a brown rat who was squealing running fanatically towards me jumping on my hangers and onto my clothes. Did you get that - A BROWN RAT … with a LONG TAIL… EYE TO EYE WITH ME. Oh yeah he was squealing. Oh and me… Maybe I passed out for a second.. Well I WISH I would have passed out…maybe I could have hit my head really hard and forgot it all. I didn’t, I was hysterically shaking and seriously considering ending it all right then. The rat didn’t touch me but he was inches from it. I’m sure the light scared the diseases out of him and he just went running…towards me.

Ugh. Sick. I feel the urge even now to run to the shower and scrub my whole body for hours under scalding water. So that morning I got ready for work in complete shock. At work I begged every man I came in contact with to PLEASE come to my house to help me with my unwelcome live in visitor. My pilots, the male flight attendants, passengers and even TSA screeners I pleaded with. Most all of them had to work and or they couldn't’t come over until later. I pride myself on being an "Independent woman" and handling things most girls might defer to men. Well forget it - I might as well been the most reliant girl on the face of the earth. I think there are few reasons men were put on this earth..and dealing with RATS is for sure one of them. I was even real close to offering up my body for help. Yes, I feel the judgment right now as your reading this - but trust me when it comes to brown city rats with tails invading your room… Most of my morals (and good judgment) went out the window. Plus one of those rats probably carries more disease than the local hookers. Ugh. That’s what was living in my room…ON my things!

I knew I would have to be a big girl and take things into my own hands. So off to Home Depot. Of course in any horror flick what is the weather doing… raining and not to fail my ongoing horror it was pouring rain. Of course parking at the home depot in the city I get one of the last parking spots furthest away from the door. At that point I could care less. I took off running in the rain and by the time I got in you would think I was trying to enter myself in the Home Depot Girls Gone Wild calendar. My shirt hair and pants were soaked.

I was desperate disgusted and drenched.

I got help and we went off to the "extermination" aisle. The girl helping me was probably around 22 and she was like one of those girls who probably has pet snakes and shoots pumpkins with a shot gun for fun. Total redneck - tomboy - monster truck loving girl ..but at this point she was my Savior….Best friend…Only hope at my rat assassination attempt. I tried to get on her level to really get all the good information. She first said traps. They were big traps and she said it’s the fastest way to dead rats. Great I’ll take 30. I start grabbing as many as I could carry when I started walking off she said "Make sure to use LOTS of newspaper!" I twirled around and said "What!?" She said "Yeah, if they are big rats when that there clamp comes down on their heads - its going to be REAL BLOODY."

Ten minutes later we are still talking about my options. Yeah…after the "real bloody" comment and then realizing someone would have to actually remove the rat from the traps - I quickly re-evaluated my trap decision. Next was the "Execution chamber" She (of course) was totally against it and said It was "Inhumane." That’s when I got a little crazy. You know when you see people with those crazy eyes and you avoid them at all cost.. Well that was me in home depot. Here was something how my rant went..(honest)

"You want to know what is inhumane…me screaming so loud the neighbors three doors down comes running… You know what is to "Inhumane" those bastards making me shake so hard I drop my new NARS blush and it breaks into 30 unusable pieces…You want to know what is INHUMANE… the diseases these rats carry that would probably make my skin rot off if they touched me…Not to mention they are now residing in prime RAT real estate…They should call it "Rat Couture" because they are living in and using my chic expensive clothing as a carnival and residence! They are intruders - invaders on my cherished wardrobe….and MUST DIE!"

I must have been loud b/c after my rant I noticed a few people quickly walking away. Just picture it - Me soaking wet in the middle of home depot yelling about rats. In some crazy way it makes me laugh now thinking about how fanatical I must have been. Next the girls comment was pretty much priceless. "Listen woman - I know a really good counselor you could talk to ..when my dad got out of the "Slammer" for doing some in appropriate things..she really helped him regain his common sense and good mentality" She then said "You wanna know what sick things that bastard did…??" I practically yelled "NO! I NEED TO KILL THE RATS!!"

Seriously, I was like WTF.

So after realizing the "extermination chambers" were just for mice….the traps were to bloody all that was left was poison. I bought enough poison to kill every living rodent from Baltimore to Arkansas. I was all pumped up when leaving the store and raced home to plan my attack. As soon as I walked in the door my feet froze and I couldn't’t move. The early morning events came back to me and I couldn't’t even open the doors to my room.

Later that night my roommate Amanda came home and if someone was only videoing us. We were both standing on my bed with a broom handle and other long sharp objects. You can only imagine. We were throwing poison on the target areas and praying to God they would leave. It was going to be WW3 with those rats but they never showed their beady eyes that night (of course they just like to taunt me - when I’m alone with no witnesses). I knew then this was more than just a "mission" this was the downfall of my residence on Elrino.

That night I left the house and after throwing tons of the poison in my room and aiming for the closet I just couldn't’t sleep there. My roommates rooms were untouched by the rats (thank god) and they too got more poison to put all of the house. I thought surely after my 2 week hiatus the rats would be gone. I get back and sure enough I hear them and close my door and make my room in the living room where I slept on the couch wrapped up so tight in blankets I was the ultimate human burrito. I barely slept any and at that point I realize those malicious rodents had won. I had to move.

A few days later I got the nerve to go in my room and try to pack. I was doing good until they decided to come out of their couture new closet home and run down my belts I had hanging and make an appearance. This time I saw two of them at once running up and down my clothes using them as a ladder to the top shelf of my closet. I lost it. I started crying uncontrollably and called my mom - dad - friends - I was in need of sympathy quick…I wanted to just be a girl and have someone on the other end of the phone sympathize with me.

That next night my roommates guy friend came over and unknowingly got thrown into my closet to help me rid the rats. He was great. He helped me clean out my closet and Beck did as well. They had ate holes through the wood in my closet to infiltrate the room. Nothing stops them. Finally they were gone only to find refuge in the kitchen (which was in the basement right under my room) where they could really chow down.

That was the pretty much the end of my short tenure at Elrino Street.

Later I heard the rat decided to show his face to my roommate Rebbecca in the kitchen. I think he might have lunged at her and from the voicemail I got …she totally felt my prior pain. I can only hope the rats have made their departure - We all know Baltimore City doesn’t need anymore diseases running around. What a crazy turn of events. I moved out in Nov and haven’t looked back. Sometimes I truly wonder what a "normal" life would be like but to be honest I hope to God I never have to find out.

Maybe that’s just the thing with my life - Its one untamed adventure to the next and any conventional normalcy will probably always be to far out of my reach. Which is quite exciting really. I am embracing the excitement each day brings and the change that comes with it.

That’s all we can do right? Roll with the punches and Run from the rats.